Last night, I had a dream. Nothing like Martin, but it was kind of interesting. Anthony never knows what my dreams mean, and for that matter, neither do I. Most of the time, he just looks at me like I’m crazy when I try to explain the movies that play in my mind at nighttime.
But this one was about the baby. And maybe about my anxiety about whether or not the baby will like me. That seems silly, I know. I have to admit that it’s something I think about.
In this dream, it was Placement Day. Anthony and I went to the agency to see our baby, a little boy, for the first time. He was so beautiful! Anthony put him in my arms and I melted. I tried to snuggle him and sniff him (LOL)…he wasn’t having it though. He wriggled around like he was trying to get away. I was trying to figure out where he thought he was going! All of my feelings were hurt.
Anthony is so good with babies and little children. They LOVE him! No matter if we’re in church, in the grocery store, or just out and about, babies flock to him. Little girls flirt with him. Little boys give him high fives. He’s got a special something that kids are drawn to. Me? Well, they just look at me. Kind of the way Anthony looks at me when I tell him about my dreams. Even in my sleep, I think about this and wonder if the baby will take to me like I know he or she will to him.
Yeah, it’s silly. I know it’s my nerves. I know I will be the center of that baby’s world from the moment we meet, just like he or she will be the center of mine. But…if that baby starts to wriggle when Anthony puts him or her in my arms…Imma know something else!